“Compassion is the thing that leads you gently back to yourself.“

Merle Shain

The other morning, I made myself sit down and do my meditation and devotions before I did anything else. Before I even did anything on my phone except my mediation app. This is not my normal morning routine . . . unfortunately. I am usually trying to do at least two things at once, because I can get more done that way, right? Wrong. Turns out that is faulty thinking. Science has shown us that there IS no such thing as multi-tasking because our brains are not wired to do two things at once, much less three or four. Brains can be working on more than one thing in the same span of time, but doing all of them at the same time is just not possible. It’s the old “start/stop/start/stop” routine, and, to feel productive we just tell ourselves we are multi-tasking.

I don’t know about you, but personally, I get stuck in the same endless loop over and over again. I’ll be doing something and then remember, “Oh! There’s this other thing I need to do, too!”, and before you know it, I have a whole raft of things going. None of which I will probably finish, or if I do, I won’t finish them well. In trying to feel “caught up” I just keep getting myself further and further behind. The inevitable result is always that I find myself stuck in the never-ending loop of just one more thing to do, and I eventually wind up feeling like the figure at the top of this page: frustrated, exhausted, and very stressed, batteries missing. And, since Brian died almost 2.5 years ago now, I can see that, even though I vowed not to, I have often used this “busyness loop” as a form of denial/escape. The result? I am feeling buried, too, only literally buried alive in too many things to do with no time to just “be”.

As luck would have it, this morning’s meditation was entitled “The Caring Loop.” It began by asking the listener if there was a secret to emotional and mental health. Of course, that would be too easy, right? And the correct answer here is, no, there is no secret. The quick fix we are looking for does not exist. It turns out that the solution is so simple that it is hard: We need to tap into the basic human satisfaction that we get, not only when we help others, but also when we make the conscious effort to nurture ourselves. So, I decided to do a little self-evaluation of how well I do at this. The question I asked myself was: How well do I apply the positive feedback loop that I get when I show care for someone/something to myself? I seem to do my best thinking in metaphors, so I loved it when the meditation leader suggested comparing this to taking care of a house plant — only this time I am the houseplant. Do I make sure that I have enough of what I need to nurture me to keep myself alive and vibrant? What does that look like? Is it reading a good book, talking to friends, going on a long walk? Of course, I knew that our minds and bodies need a break from always doing, doing, doing. That this is not a good loop to find one’s self stuck in. But, when the meditation leader said, “Sitting and doing nothing is a way to move from that constant busyness and into a loop of self-caring where we can experience the subtle satisfaction that comes from caring for ourselves.” (Jeff Warren, Calm), I knew that I had a lot of work yet to do. It was obvious to that this certainly is not my current way of doing things. Truth be known, I don’t do nearly enough of this. In fact, I hardly do it ever at all. And the reason? Because I tell myself that I don’t have the time for that. Obviously, however, I am not alone in this, or there would not have been a need for this meditation topic. And, yes, I agree that I need to do more than simply notice that I should pry myself out of the busyness loop occasionally, slow down a bit, and do a better job of taking care of myself. Will that be hard for me to do? You bet it will. But, just like all the other things in life that seem difficult to do, but whose results are beneficial to me, the more I notice even the subtlest sense of satisfaction in caring for myself this way, the easier it will become to not only do it more often, but to sustain it.

Will this be easy for me? Absolutely not. Am I worth the work it will take to remove myself from the busyness loop I seem to be perpetually stuck in? You bet I am! And the lesson that this meditation taught me is: The more that I consciously tune into this positive intention of making a spot in my over-scheduled life for the loop of self-care, the stronger it will get and the more grounded I will be.

While it may not be a “hidden secret,” it is an important change that I need to take in order to find my way back to a life I want to live — and one that I will not only enjoy, but where I will also thrive. One thing I know for sure, I need all the help I can get, especially from myself, to stay on the path to healing and renewal. Thanks, Jeff Warren and the “Calm” meditation app, for reminding me of the value of spending time in “The Caring Loop.”

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”

Maya Angelou