It’s the end of winter in Iowa. Most days are still cold and gray. The wind never seems to stop blowing. My house is quiet. Too quiet. I am acutely aware of the fact that I am here alone. It’s not that I don’t have anything to do. On the contrary, I have a lot to do — perhaps too much. But, there are some days, like today, that I just can’t make myself do much at all. Every tick of the clock, every drip of the faucet, every second of silence reminds me that my husband is gone forever. That this is my new normal. And that thought freezes me in my tracks, just like Parkinson’s would do to my husband. While I try to write uplifting, positive things on this site most of the time, there are days when I need to let you see that I, too, struggle sometimes to get to that spot. . . and today is one of those days. So, I am going to borrow wisdom from someone else, hoping that reading it will mean as much to you as it did to me. It’s a tough journey we’re on, but I know we each walk with grief in our own way and in our own time. The important thing is that we keep walking.

Navigating Grief by Gary Sturgis

There isn’t a person on earth who hasn’t experienced some form of grief in their life. Everyone experiences loss and the grief that follows.

Here’s what I’ve learned. There’s no rule book when it comes to grief and mourning. Everyone goes through the grief process in their own way and in their own time. My spouse died and I was shocked and numb for a long time. Wrapped up in the immense responsibilities of my personal and professional life I still had to find a way to navigate my grief.

The permanence of a loss takes a long time to set in. That’s why we have to have patience with others and with ourselves during the grieving process. Acknowledging the permeance of a loss is a really complex process, and there’s no predictable time frame in which the acceptance of the loss will occur.

Grief fills you with sorrow . . .it won’t kill you . . .but it hurts.

Here’s the thing . . .you’ll get through your grief in the time you need to, but it depends on the situation and the person you lost. Suffering is a universal truth.

When it comes to grieving, the only way out is to navigate your way through, without self-judgement. Instead of looking at grief as a process that comes to some end, it’s worth acknowledging that grief in itself is a life force that’s as important to your existence as all of our other emotions. If you suffer no grief, then you’ve never been attached.

If you’ve never been attached . . .you haven’t been alive.

When grief strikes, allow yourself to experience whatever you need to for as long as you need to. Feel the pain. . .but know you’ll eventually find yourself in less agony . . . and have faith that you’ll one day come to a place where you’ll be better able to tolerate your feelings.

Unfortunately, there’s no compass for grief, so have faith in yourself and your own ability to survive.

When you’re navigating grief, that’s the time to have faith . . . when you need it the most.