Marking Time

People imagine that missing a loved one is kind of like missing cigarettes: The first day is really hard but the next day is less hard and so forth, easier and easier the long you go on. But instead, it’s like missing water: Every day you notice the person’s absence more.”

Anne Tyler
Friday, July 1, 2022

Dear Brian,
     Today marks 15 months -- 1yr/3months; 456 days;10,094 hours -- that you have been gone. It is still hard for me to grasp that you are really gone forever: That I will never see you in this life again. Never hear your voice, see a smile light up your face, feel the thrill of a kiss from you. 
     I am making it through each day, trying to find meaning, trying to carve out a new way forward on my own.Some days it feels like I am making real progress. Other days I find myself stuck, and on others feel like I have gone backwards. I still think about things that I wish I'd done differently, things I wish I'd made time to do. Right now the nagging feeling that somehow I failed you can still surface and make me incredibly sad. Yet,I know that is all in the past. That none of that matters anymore to anyone but me. And I am confident that it certainly does not matter to you. So, I'll keep on working to let it fade into oblivion where thoughts and feelings like those belong.
     I love you, Brian. In some form I always will. You will forever be tucked away in a corner of my heart, reserved only for you and the love we shared. I see signs of that love all around me. Thank you for that. Some days it is still all that keeps me going. I miss you.
              Love always,


One thought on “Marking Time

  1. Beautiful post. Your words of wisdom and strength you possess are powerful. You speak from the heart. I’ve been leading with my heart for quite a while now and it’s bringing things to me that are new, real and sometimes unexpected but welcomed. Catch up later.



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