People imagine that missing a loved one is kind of like missing cigarettes: The first day is really hard but the next day is less hard and so forth, easier and easier the long you go on. But instead, it’s like missing water: Every day you notice the person’s absence more.”

Anne Tyler

Friday, July 1, 2022

Dear Brian,
     Today marks 15 months -- 1yr/3months; 456 days;10,094 hours -- that you have been gone. It is still hard for me to grasp that you are really gone forever: That I will never see you in this life again. Never hear your voice, see a smile light up your face, feel the thrill of a kiss from you. 
     I am making it through each day, trying to find meaning, trying to carve out a new way forward on my own.Some days it feels like I am making real progress. Other days I find myself stuck, and on others feel like I have gone backwards. I still think about things that I wish I'd done differently, things I wish I'd made time to do. Right now the nagging feeling that somehow I failed you can still surface and make me incredibly sad. Yet,I know that is all in the past. That none of that matters anymore to anyone but me. And I am confident that it certainly does not matter to you. So, I'll keep on working to let it fade into oblivion where thoughts and feelings like those belong.
     I love you, Brian. In some form I always will. You will forever be tucked away in a corner of my heart, reserved only for you and the love we shared. I see signs of that love all around me. Thank you for that. Some days it is still all that keeps me going. I miss you.
              Love always,
                   Julie

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